There are many sad things.
Many sad things.
There are things that have made me tear up with a trickle running down my cheek, and things that made me sad. There are many movies and books and things that do that.
There is only one thing that makes me sob.
I don’t often sob- I don’t get much opportunity to. Really sob, catching your breath. Tears running down your face. Making noise.
That horrible sound, like a laugh almost. Laughing with tears and sadness stuck to you.
Only one thing.
Page 531.
I’m crying now, crying harder than I ever have before, I think. Oh, crucified Christ, Rudy. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.
Crying again.
I don’t stop for the rest of the book.
She walked fully clothed into the Amper River and said something very strange.
Something about a kiss.
Something about a Saumensch.
How many times did she have to say goodbye?
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Don’t make me happy. Please, don’t fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises. Look at this graze. Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don't want to hope for anything anymore. I don't want to pray that Max is alive and safe. Or Alex Steiner.
Because the world does not deserve them.
I have recovered now, mostly. The tears are dry and sticky, and I am in a funk. The Book Thief funk, my family calls it. I won’t be able to speak without my voice breaking for the rest of the day. The phone rings. I test myself. “Hello?” I say outloud, to myself. I do not pick up the phone.
My eyes hurt and my cheeks are sticky. My nose is running slightly.
531. 535. 536. 536. 539. 546.
The thing that makes me cry. The thing that makes me cry.
Oh, crucified Christ, Rudy.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
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