My Subconscious, the Secret Keeper

I realized something.

The only drama I've ever had I've kept to myself.

No one knows my secrets...

I wasted tons of giggling on other people. (not that other people aren't worth giggling for, it's just it hasn't accomplished anything.)

I repeat: the only drama I have no one even knows about, much less cares about it's outcome.

I've done a lot of giggling this year. I wish more of it was for my benefit.

No one knows my secrets...

Or they do and think it's a joke; they don't take it seriously. How did they find out at all? I'm a pretty good secret keeper if I remember not to talk.

They only know because my subconscious is a horrible secret keeper. It talks.
Because it knows that I want someone to know.

I realized something.

This is an awkward situation.


Something that I waste a wish on every night a 11:11- no one even knows that it exists.

The only stories and thoughts I have.... unknown.

Who's fault is that?


Mine, for acting like I don't care.

Which isn't working out because now I care more than before. Which isn't convenient because now the moment passed.

That's what I wanna go back to...

That's what I wish I would've done....

That's what could've happened.


It could've happened....... I swear.....

Hey I'm not even kidding. I just ruined it.

The double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sail’d into the north of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard.....

Shakespeare has a line for everything.

Before we get too off track- ask yourself. Really. Who knows Olivia's secrets? Who is her best friend? What do you even know about her? Does she ever share anything important about herself? It it obvious she has a problem with... Trust? With telling people anything deeper than the weather?
If you have any of the answers please email me.

I would love to know.

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Why do I continuously depress myself?I could make myself feel better by not writing mysterious blog posts about it. But this is just adding to the problem mentioned in paragraph/stanza 16. It gets more intense if you keep it to yourself.

I'm sorry for maybe depressing you as well as refreshing my own depressement.

Sarah, Maddie, Michaela. You are the only ones who begin to know. (More than the people mentioned it paragraph/stanza 8.) and you couldn't, wouldn't, (shouldn't) do anything about it.


Oh I just realized the last paragraph sounds a bit secret agent of me. I just am kinda worried I'm gonna have all these trust issues when I'm older. I have never had a friend whom I told important things.


And no, I won't tell you, reader. I seem to have a problem with that whole... Telling part of secret exchange.

As you can see.

Which is more than a little hypocritical of me; talking about how I want secret keepers all the while knowing I would never be able to say anything aloud.

Hypocrite.

Though I do try.

It's just a problem for me.

As you can see.